Mid-Summer Night's Online Shopping Wishlist

(I'm actually lactose-intolerant so this is some real aesthetic nonsense.)

(I'm actually lactose-intolerant so this is some real aesthetic nonsense.)

Well folks, it's that time of year again.

The weather's getting hot-hot-HOT, like last Saturday's drunken 3am pizza scalding the roof of your mouth or a set of poor shoulders after 8 hours at the pool in an OTS (off-the-shoulder) top. Your need for consumerism is increasing at an alarming rate, similar to your waistline following multiple wine and dine nights, or idk, your tinder matches. And if you're anything like me, well shit, because you must have finally realized that summer trends are getting too cookie-cutter and down-cycled through and you're just CRAVING for something new. 

Well buckle up sista, the sun setting at 9pm means more than just semi-permanent day-drinking. Summer solstice has messed up our nocturnal circadian rhythms and now 2am is just prime-time for looking online for covetable pieces and newly-minted acceptable style ideas. Here are 4 ideas we're pressing "add cart" too while clearly not trying hard enough to budget for this summer. 

1. Raindrop, Wrap Top

Nipple covers when you're braless and hot hot. 

We get it. Wrap tops. Summer. Groundbreaking. But like, fuck your negativity Karen. You know what's freeing? Looking like a saucy sophisticant on holiday in Southern France. You know what else is freeing? Choosing how much or how little to cinch your itty-bitty waist in even after several 4th of July hotdogs. These are just like the rules of feminism. 

2. I Believe in Hawaiian Shirts

And I honestly, wholeheartedly, believe that dressing like a dad is the future of ladies wear in 2018. 

SSS Corp S/S 18 curtesy of Vogue.com

SSS Corp S/S 18 curtesy of Vogue.com

But seriously now, how daft do you have to be to not admit that the SSBD (short-sleeve button-down, keep up), is the ultimate prep-dad top? Paired with your fave pair of cut-offs or, like, jorts if you want to keep with this padre theme, this is the ultimate coast-defying layering piece. Mark my words, pick up a hawaiian shirt now and forever hold your peace. 

3. Do You Slide on all Your Nights like this?

Frank Ocean and Calvin Harris may have released Slide a little too early for our own summer comfort and prompted all the fast-fashion chains to start cranking out Gucci slip-on lookalikes since February but a true slide in a satin or suede? Epic. Comfortable. Classic.

Curtesy of lisasaysgah.com

Curtesy of lisasaysgah.com

Maryam Nassir Zadeh Martina slide in Silver 

Maryam Nassir Zadeh Martina slide in Silver 

Risk rolling or twisting your ankle in a hot pair of these this summer and live a little. 

4. Suit yourself.

Dree Wrap One Piece by Lisa Marie Fernandez - $495

Dree Wrap One Piece by Lisa Marie Fernandez - $495

Marie-Louise Terry Wrap Bikini Set by Lisa Marie Fernandez - $325

Marie-Louise Terry Wrap Bikini Set by Lisa Marie Fernandez - $325

Okay homies, let's be real. I get the appeal and all of going braless but sometimes, a girl needs a little more support/coverage than just the freedom of her girls. Contradictory to my love for wrap tops, certain days just require a little spandex and elastane to be like "hey boobs, what's up? you're up. girrrrrrrrrrrrrl." 

And besides, isn't a dry one-piece simply a supportive, figure-flattering bodysuit? Idk, you be the judge.  

C'est la fin.